


Sensitivity Abyss

by Kiwifruitjuice



Category: Avengers
Genre: Bucky does have a heart, Bucky talks while Steve sleeps, Kinda fluff maybe?, M/M, angst kinda, basically trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:57:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8550712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwifruitjuice/pseuds/Kiwifruitjuice
Summary: Bucky doesn't believe he has a heart after all the bad things he did as the Winter Soldier, and he'll never put Steve in danger again.





	

"I've loved ya since the day I saw you in that little alley, watchin' you get in some stupid fight. I never understood how a man could love 'nother man like that, but I fell for ya real hard. 

Your hair looked cute, ruffled and messy from being thrown 'round like a rag doll. Your eyes were so small, like ya little frail body, but so determined. 'Suppose that's what made ya a good soldier. 

Seeing ya get hurt, it hurt me in ways you'll never imagine, Stevie. I had to step in that alley, and take ya home like you was a lost puppy.

That was the best day of my life, and the worst. I watched ya grow into the great man ya are now, but knowing I couldn't touch ya, couldn't kiss your soft lips or hold your tiny hands as we walked down the street, it truely _killed_ me. 

Seeing ya now, sleeping all alone in this stuffy cabin, fallin' asleep knowin' I ain't there, to cuddle ya and kiss ya goodnight like we did in our little shit house in Brooklyn, it..." 

Bucky paused, unsure what to say next. His hand was gently touching Steve'a fingertips, brushing the smooth skin. They were dangling off the shitty little bed Steve was sleeping on in some cabin he has found on the run. 

Bucky stared up at his best friend, the love of his life, and he suddenly wanted to cry. 

He wanted it all to go back to the way it was, when Bucky and Steve were together in a Brooklyn and the only thing that mattered was getting rent on time. Even if they had to scramble and fight to pay, they made it together. 

Back then, he wasn't a murderer. Back then, they didn't have shield on their tail, and they were happy. 

Bucky wanted to clutch Steve's hand, feel the skin and warm pulse in his flesh hand, but he couldn't risk waking him. This was his final goodbye, before he left for good, and he knew he'd break if Steve was awake when he left. 

Bucky spent his entire life taking care of Steve, but the last 70 years he had done nothing but hurt him. 

He wanted his Stevie, but that wasn't an option anymore. 

"I want to stay here with ya, Stevie, but I can't risk hurtin' ya. Not more than I already have. 

I won't be watchin' anymore, like I used too. Creepy, I know, Stevie, but I had to see if ya was alright. But ya always are, so I don' need to do that anymore. 

Please, don' look for me. I know you will, 'cause you were always such an angel like that, but you won't find me this time. I'll make sure of it." 

Bucky leaned forward slowly, his aching bones from running so long cracking under the pressure. His lips met the fingertip Steve's pointer finger, and they lingered. 

Bucky didn't want to let go, yet. But he's so anythinng to keep Steve safe. If he wasn't around, Steve would be safe. That's all Bucky wanted. 

He didn't have the heart to kiss his forehead, or, _God_ , those lips he loved so much, but he wasn't sure he had a heart at all, anymore. 

"Go home, Stevie," Bucky muttered into Steve's finger, and swiftly pulled away and stood. 

Bucky was halfway out of the window when he just had to look back at his best friend. Sleeping soundly, Steve hadn't stirred during his visit. 

"I'm sorry," Bucky whispered. 

And he was gone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Have you ever seen such trash :)


End file.
